you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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