By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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