i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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