Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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