i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
