Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got inside last night via doggy door
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
