Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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