i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
