i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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