none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
