Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
