Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
