Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
