I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
