I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
