I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
