I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
