just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
