he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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