dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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