Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
