And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
