i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
