Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
