Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
