So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
