it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
