Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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