Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
