Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
