we have pet lesbian snakes
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
