Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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