she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
