you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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