so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sext me about skeletons
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
