anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
