WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
