This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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