I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
