He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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