Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize