saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
