you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
