Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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