and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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