a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
