FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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