it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
