This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
