I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize