He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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