you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
