90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
