My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
