Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
