Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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