There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
