She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
