please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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