Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
