the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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