I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
