my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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