Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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