upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
