I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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