i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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