Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
