Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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