I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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