Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
