Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
