You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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