Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
