I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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