'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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