I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize