In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
