Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
