grandma shit on top of the toilet
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
