pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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