4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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