Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
